Just because a person (man or woman) doesn’t grab you nor hit you doesn’t mean they aren’t abusive. Abuse is also:
– When they put you down or humiliate you in front of others.
– When they call you a bitch, whore, or cunt.
– When they accuse you of being “too sensitive” or “too emotional.”
– When they insist on checking your phone to see who texts and calls you.
– When they decide where you can and can’t go, who you can and can’t see.
– When they try to isolate you from family and friends.
– When they don’t believe you and accuse you of wrongdoing.
– When they blame you for their problems or life difficulties.
– When they don’t even care whether you cry yourself to sleep because of something they did.
Don’t tolerate emotional abuse thinking it’s OK because it’s not physical. Don’t be the person who loves them enough to stay. Be the person who loves themselves enough to leave.
Written by Arthur Ruiz. See more by visiting his blog.
1 Peter 3 is a tricky passage. It’s often been twisted to pressure abused women to stay with their husbands as a sign of submission. But this passage is not meant to subject women to fear or violence. Rather, the passage is supposed to encourage primary loyalty to Christ, not to husbands.
So, what should you say when someone tries to use 1 Peter 3 to suggest that wives should endure abuse to win over husbands?
The Purpose of 1 Peter
The situation of 1 Peter is a crisis—the persecution of the church (1 Pet 4:12). Slander and suffering are major themes in this letter. 1 Peter also teaches that Jesus is in authority over all things. Suffering can have dignity because the all-powerful Christ suffered on the cross and rose. However, human suffering doesn’t accomplish redemption. Only Jesus’ suffering can do that.
In the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands (3:1)
Reading passages about women in isolation often leads to confusion. Verbal clues like “in the same way” point us back to another part of the argument. This helps to understand the reasoning and context.
1 Peter 2 is a long discussion of suffering and submission in persecution. The author tells these persecuted Christians to submit to human authorities to “silence ignorant talk” (2:15). In Greek, the verb “to submit” in 2:13 is then referred to by three participial phrases: “slaves submitting to your masters” (2:18), “likewise wives submitting to your own husbands” (3:1), and “likewise husbands living with your wives…assigning honor to them as a weaker vessel” (3:7). These are instructions to persecuted Christians to keep them safe and make the gospel look good. The goals are the same for all three groups, tailored to their social position.
So that if any do not believe (3:1)
The reason for the command to submit is so unbelievers can be “won over” to the faith. This is consistent with the rest of the letter. These Christians are to live with normal, proper social behavior, and submit to human authorities (2:13). This will attract people to the gospel and silence those who slander them. This isn’t because all authority is just. It’s for the sake of the persecuted church. Being able to identify with Christ’s suffering is a comfort but suffering itself isn’t inherently good.
Thank you to all who attended our annual fundraising event. This year we honored Mother Anne Curtin for her ten years of dedicated service as Executive Director and celebrated her transition into her new role as Chaplain.
By Michael Gormley
ALBANY — Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo signed into law Thursday three measures that will make “economic abuse” an element of the crime of domestic violence, give survivors the right to vote by mail, and allow victims to report abuse to any police agency regardless where the crime happened.
One law will include identity theft, grand larceny and coercion as illegal acts under the crime of domestic violence. To be prosecuted as an act of domestic violence, the actions must have “resulted in actual physical or emotional injury or have created a substantial risk of physical or emotional harm to such person or such person’s child,” according to the law’s text.
“Abusers often use economic coercion to keep victims from leaving,” said the bill’s co-sponsor, Assemb. Helene Weinstein (D-Brooklyn).
Another new law will allow victims of domestic violence to apply in person or by mail for an absentee ballot, which traditionally is provided to voters away from their home community on election day. The victim must affirm in the application that “he or she is the victim of domestic violence, that he or she has left his or her residence because of such violence and. … [faces] the threat of physical or emotional harm to himself or herself or to family or household members.”
The law will allow victims to avoid an encounter with their abusers, said another co-sponsor, Sen. Diane Savino (D-Staten Island).
“There are times when it is just not safe for a survivor to vote in person in the same county where her abuser resides, but that should not diminish her voice or her vote,” said co-sponsor Assemb. Amy Paulin (D-Scarsdale).
The third law, overwhelmingly supported in the legislature, seeks to avoid cases in which victims flee their community and report abuse to police away from their homes, only to have police say they don’t have jurisdiction to take action.
The law requires that any police agency take a police report, prepare a domestic violence incident report, and provide the victim a free copy of the report. A copy of the police report and domestic violence report would then be sent to the police agency in the victim’s community to investigate and take action. The victim would have to show that it would be a hardship or a danger to return to his or her home community in order to file a police report.
“Individuals will be provided with the ability to report crimes without fear or intimidation by their abuser,” said that bill’s co-sponsor, Assemb. Ken Zebrowski (D-Clarkstown). “This legislation will hopefully lead to an increase in the reporting of domestic violence incidents and will allow victims to promptly leave the area where their abuser is located and get to safety.”
Domestic violence can be prosecuted under several felony laws, which carry penalties of up to 25 years in prison.